The 10 Least Helpful Self-Help Slogans Ever

1. There’s no emotional problems some fucking with strangers can’t cure.

2.  Jerk-off, apply guilt, rinse, repeat.

3. There’s no I in Me.  There’s no Me in You. 

4. God doesn’t burden us with anything we can’t handle – except floods, falling rocks, cancer, tornadoes, hurricanes, bad sores, dictators, and random bus accidents.

5. One beer at a time.

6. Whatever doesn’t kill me, only maims me.

7. Give me the narcotics to accept the things I cannot change, the uppers and strong coffee to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

8. I was walking on the beach alone, and then I saw some footprints in the sand next to me, and they weren’t mine, and I was carrying a six-pack, but I thought they might be some stalker, so I got scared and went home.  Or something like that.

9. When in doubt, inappropriately snuggle.

10.  If its yellow, don’t drink it.

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