Another Unfortunate Online Chat

Given all the recent interest in online predators, I thought it was an opportune time to share this with you. A friend from Madison, Wisconsin, who goes by the moniker "Crzyguy666" and asks that his real name be withheld, sends me this transcript of one of his recent on-line chats. He is now in psychiatric treatment with "New Beginnings," a treatment center in La Jolla, California. He tells me he’s doing well and working on his psychosexual age-related issues. Good luck, Crzyguy!

Crzyguy666: wow you sound really cute

Hotlittlemama1923: lol thanks you sound pretty cool yrself

Crzyguy666: watcha doin?

Hotlittlemama1923: oh I was just updating my myspace profile and listening to some bands on my ipod – fall out boy and John Mayer

Crzyguy666: how old are you? Just wonderin

Hotlittlemama1923: wouldn’t u like to know! I don’t know if I should tell u my age, you might get scared off

Crzyguy666: no worries – I’m just curious

Hotlittlemama1923: usually I don’t like to tell that to guys cause they wont take me as serious

Crzyguy666: I won’t judge! c’mon i think it would be good for me to know how old you are

Hotlittlemama1923: I’m 84

Crzyguy666: what?

Hotlittlemama1923: just turned

Crzyguy666: ummm…really? Huh. You sure have strange tastes for someone your age. Maybe we shouldn’t be talking

Hotlittlemama1923: why not?

Crzyguy666: well….ummmm…. just feel weird about it. Don’t want to get in trouble with the authorities

Hotlittlemama1933: what do you mean? Its totally cool. don’t worry about it. If you want to see what I look like check out my cyber diary on YouTube – "lonelygrandma: my joints are not the only thing aching"

Crzyguy666: Would this be o.k. with ur family and everything? Do they know you talk online in chat rooms like this? It isn’t past your bedtime? Does AARP have any rules about this or anything? I don’t want to end up on Dateline or nothin…

Hotlittlemama1923: no honey don’t fret about it you cant get in trouble – what are you wearing?

Crzyguy666: ummmmmm…this makes me feel kind of creepy…not sure…feeling queasy…

Hotlittlemama1933: just go with it. Life is all about new adventures, sweetie. Do u like wrinkles?  How about Tony Bennett?  How about Glenn Miller? Tchaikovsky?  My mother dated him.  Wild on the piano!

Crzyguy666: I never really thought about it. Don’t take this the wrong way but…Are u like a prune and everything?

Hotlittlemama1923: completely, I’m all California’s best and shit.  Eat them a ton too, good for the GI tract and urinary infections – hold on just pouring myself a cup of tea oh, this is lovely! celestial seasonings – I love the little quotes they put on each teabag. This one says “happiness is a batch of warm cookies in the oven.”  O my how delightful.

Crzyguy666: so do you have to wear diapers and get social security and contemplate just walking into the woods on "your day to die" like old Indian dudes and everything like that?

Hotlittlemama1923: Yes, I can buy a lot of condoms and Jamaican rum with the sizable check I get each month, sweetie. what do you say, lets have some fun! (I do wear diapers once in a while, but only when I’m feeling “casual”)

Crzyguy666: god I can’t believe I’m saying this – I’m wearing just my boxers and white socks…

Hotlittlemama1923: 23 skidoo and a bag ‘o’ potatoes!  Hot diggity dog!  I’m wearing my bloomers and my nightgown! oh I must say, I haven’t felt like this since Rooselvelt’s 4th term!

Crzyguy666: I think I might regret this, but what the hell! why don’t you take down those bloomers and send me a pic of your "old millie"

Hotlittlemama1933: awesome! Do you like to give enemas?

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