Hey America! What’s Your Secret?

U.F. Presents:

Hey America!

What’s Your Secret Edition No. #8

We asked people across our nation to let Unfettered Letters in on a personal secret they’ve been keeping, something they’ve never told anyone. By telling us, they have a chance to finally reveal it to the world! You won’t believe how many cool, way-out, crazy, deep-dark secrets are out there! This is gonna be fun!

Samantha, age 32, says: "Once when I was in college, me and my girlfriend took a road trip for a whole weekend without anybody knowing where we were! It was so amazing. We were in a convertible, and flashed all these guys on the highway. Then we went to a bar in Pennsylvania and danced on tables all night long. We camped out with some guys we met that night, drank a lot of bad wine, and wound up back on campus late Sunday night. That is one of my best memories. I’ve never told anyone about that!

Josh, age 17, says: One time, I found a kitten on the street that had no collar and seemed to be lost! I took it home without my parents knowing and kept it in my room. It seemed to be sick and I nursed it back to health, getting food and a litter box for it and everything. I named it "Mittens" and once it was better, I took it to the local shelter, so someone could take it home permanently. None of my friends or family ever knew I even had it. I felt really good about what I did, but I’ve never told anyone until now. Wow, it feels really neat to be able to tell my secret!

Emmerich, age 49, says: I think my father was a Nazi. You see, I was raised in South America, in Uruguay. I suffer chronic headaches and have the same bad dream over and over when I think about this, but you must know. Everyone must know now. When I was a kid, our two German shepherds were named Adolf…

…and Eva. My father would interrupt charades when he was drunk and do this whole stage number he called the "Third Reich Follies," prancing like a lunatic in front of my sisters and me. My mother would turn away and start crying. Dad had a lab in back of our villa, where he kept a tank filled with brine. There was a brain in it hooked up to electrodes and machines. He always told me it was a cow’s brain, but who would want to hook up a cow’s brain to machines? On the tank was a label that read "der big guy." I’ve been putting it all together lately. I also get hives when I remember these things. I am thinking of killing myself, and taking my whole family with me by fire so no Nazi genes are propagated. That is my secret.

Tune in soon for more secrets! Thanks, America!

Posted by The Unfettered Editorial Staff on 11:38 pm Filed under All The Latest. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry