“Hey Mom, Can You Pass The Cock, Um, I Mean Turkey?” And Other Things You Don’t Want To Hear During The Holiday

1. "Hey Mom, I hid my easter eggs and Little Stewie found them for me."

2. "I’ve been rethinking this whole White Power thing."

3. "Truth or dare?  Hmmmmm.  O.K. Truth: I accidentally killed a kid in seventh grade with a rock."

4.  "Dad, I’m gay pass the mashed potatoes."

5.  "Guru Masdevi says I don’t need anymore college."

6.  "….the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, with hopes that rigormortis soon would be there."

7.  "…with visions of scratch tickets dancing in the their heads."

8. " I can’t hear you, I’m drinking."

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