Our Paying Sponsor: Jerry Dithers Texas Christmas Bulbs!

The following is a paid advertisment for Jerry Dither’s Texas Bulb Warehouse.

ALL BULBS MUST GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SUPER LIQUIDATION SALE!!!!!!!!!You want red bulbs?We got ‘em!You want special frosted holiday bulbs?We got ‘em!Sexy black bulbs?You bet!We’re so excited that we don’t have time for spaces between sentences! Orevenwords!!!!Want some more exclamation points?Here they are: !!!!!!!!!!!! Brighten up the Christmas season – install bulbs from Jerry Dither’s Texas Light Bulb Warehouse now! Yeah! Do it! Light!

Here at the light bulb warehouse we fondly send you warmest regards, in celebration of this holy day, when the mild Mary lay tenderly in the manger and gave birth to the Christ child. That day the soft glow of the Lord was cast on the swaddled cheeks of the Lamb of God. Amen.

BULBS!!!!!!!!! Jerry is pulling out all the stops at the Warehouse this year! Come on by, bring the kids and Uncle Bob! Uncle Bob needs bulbs too! Don’t get left in the dark!!!! Buy in gross!!!!! We have select lots of X-MAS bulbs – buy 7 sets get a free vintage "Sunoco" model truck – the same ones they give out at 7 Eleven!!!!!! Wow the kids with this cool toy!!!!! X-MAS, X-MAS, X-MAS! Jerry has settled all of his pending court cases and is ready to make a deal!!!!! BULBSBULBSBULBS!!!!!!

Do not despise my prayer because you know me to be a sinner. This season we keep in sacred remembrance the blood of the Christos that was spilled that dark day at Golgotha. If we here at Jerry Dithers could take on the blessed wounds of the Lamb that are the embodiment of the sacrifice in scarlet, we would.

Come around back to the loading dock and meet Jerry in person! He’ll be personally handing out your wholesale shipments if you put in an order for florescents before the 16th! Jerry’s right hand man Sal the Suit will be assisting to get you your bulbs as fast as HUMANLY POSSIBLE!!!! We know you got to get to Best Buy so we’re not "dithering" around!!!!!! BULBS AND MORE BULBS!!!!!!! Light up the holidays in style, guy!!!!!! Lights, camera…..lights!

To cherish the birth of the Anointed One, we will be featuring a special reading of existentialist theologians Paul Tillich and Martin Buber in the velvet room at the Light Bulb Warehouse. Coffee and donuts provided. A meditation on the meaning of the Serenity Prayer will follow. Flagellants welcome.

BULBS!!!!!!!!
 

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