Upcoming Emissions From Unfettered Films, Ltd.

Laundromat Boys (release date 2011) Chronicling the adventures of two teenagers working as assistants at a Chinese laundromat as their summer job. Shirts are folded, socks are lost, murder happens. Tagline: "…you won’t believe what comes out in the wash!" Alternate tagline: "No tickee, no excitement!" Slated for a late 2010 production schedule with Tobey MacGuire (no relation) and Rip Torn as the mysterious "Mr. Milwaukee." Should be marketed as a cross between My Beautiful Laundrette and Bad Boys.

The Sweet Disengenousness of Our Lovely Croquet Club (release date March 2011) Foreign fare from Scandinavia. Our staff did not really understand much of what happened in this one, but it got picked up for distribution anyway as part of our DVD line "Films To Impress A Snooty Date." Producers at UF Films not happy that despite a lot of subtitles, and characters breaking out into moaning fits inexplicably, there is absolutely no actual croquet playing in the film. Mystifying. Supposedly the croquet in the title is only a metaphorical allusion to the shifting of Scandinavian social mores in the 1930′s. Very long, with tons of psychological insight, which don’t exactly pack ‘em in, pardner. Considered a lost opportunity, since croquet could be an untapped sports-oriented market. Zero bare breasts, which is unnacceptable for a Scandy flick. Post-production includes insertion of nudie scenes from 1986′s Norwegian party-movie "Aryan Summer." Tagline: "Sweet disengenousness was never like this!" Alternate (unused) tagline: "Your guess is as good as ours!"

Entrails Come Out At Night (release date Summer 2010) Extremely gory horror flick that aspires to be part of the new "torture-porn" genre that has raked in gobs of dough for films such as "Saw" and "Hostel." Our Fright Features line is so threadbare they envy the proverbial shoe-string budget, and so couldn’t afford pig entrails, which are the best simulation of human entrails, for the climactic disemboweling scene; had to go with squirrel guts instead, which are much cheaper and can be purchased in large shipments wholesale. Crowds used to expert special effects could be disappointed. Could try to market as postmodern camp, but might be a hard-sell, as director Randy Stamp doesn’t have a wink-at-myself sensibility so much as that of a sadistic nineteen-year-old frat boy on spring break. Plot in a nutshell: boy has traumatic experience on the ropes course at Camp Wannadoit. Ever since the event, at which all the campers  and Outward Bound counselors gathered around him, laughing and shouting, "don’t slip, drip!" he has become obsessed with human intestinal tracks; ten years later seeks his revenge. Tagline: "When the hatchet comes out, so do the entrails!" Alternate tagline: "Like to see bodies chopped up? Who doesn’t, friend?!"
 

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