Nobody Does Suicide Like The Japanese!

Boy, I tell ya. Nobody does suicide like the Japanese. I mean, think about it: in most cultures, suicide is frowned upon, and discouraged as an unnecessary and tragic waste of human life. But these guys are able to elevate it to an elaborate ritual, replete with all the bells and whistles and trimmings. They call it seppuku. Sometimes it is also called, more colloquially, hara-kiri, which is not to be confused with that sexy spy lady, Mata Hari – or, for that matter, Harry Carey, who I think was the announcer for the Cubs or something. But the point is they have a special name for it. Usually in our sucky country some nut just throws himself off a bridge, breaks his legs, and has to be hospitalized, or some depressed housewife takes a lot of pills and writes a note to her husband telling him to bite it. But the Japanese know how to do things right: in the ritualized ceremony, they have fancy robes, and say special things, and take a bath, or cleansing, before they get down to it, and have lots of nifty, nuanced motions and behaviours to accompany the whole deal. It’s really classy. These guys know how to live. In fact, buying the farm on purpose is only reserved for a certain class of society – the Samurai, who follow the bushido code of honor. The Samurai prove their honor by taking a large blade and carving out their intestines with precision and skill until all their entrails lay on the floor in front of them. I’m telling you – we have a lot to learn as a culture. One of the most prevalent methods of suicide among teenagers in the U.S. is called auto-erotic asphyxiation; this is when some kid who listens to Metallica decides to wack it locked in a closet with a rope tied around his neck to enhance the pleasure by cutting off his air supply. Then he pulls too hard and whups! no more Junior. Can you imagine anything so far away from the honorable code of the Samurai? We should be teaching our young people how to be Samurai so they would leave their privates alone and learn how to kill themselves in a way that means something. Boy, oh, boy. Nobody does suicide like the Japanese.

Posted by The Unfettered Editorial Staff on 1:07 pm Filed under All The Latest, Broken News, Midnight Creeper. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry